opened eyes

We live in a world that has fallen. Sure we hear that all the time, but I just realized that not until we truly step into the lives of people that we see this come to the surface. I was following some medical staff for home visit in psychiatry. We visited some patients who had no capability to come to the hospital to get treatment because of economy reasons, and well, social. I saw that these people were seriously poor. And i was overwhelmed by it. Poverty.

I think the worse i saw was an old man, who stayed in a shed house somewhere in rahang, and his shed was actually made to be a chinese temple prayer place with the altar and incense. This man stayed in a little room, with no electricity, and there were dogs around the place, barking away. This shed was in the middle of a housing area. His neighbours lived a moderately comfortable life, in brick walled houses with electricity and water. This man had no water, except when it rained, no electricity, and had a stroke 2 years ago which made him disabled. However because he was schizophrenic, the medical staff had to inject him, otherwise he'd drive the neighbours crazy with his noises at night.


When we saw him, he was dirty, with unkempt hair, and his appearance was that of a beggar. He could not speak properly, and was missing some of his teeth, which was not surprising. He reminded me of someone who was mentally ill, and in front of his room was a chair, with a cup of what looked like stale milk, and a bowl of really unappetizing rice. That was his meal for the day. His brother would give him food, then disappear for the whole day. What does it mean to have a life like that? When it rained, the floor would be covered in mud because there was no door. I don't think the place had an address. His bathroom? A little plastic jug which held his urine, and as for big business, i think it was where ever it was that he slept.


The place where the altar was, was filled with soot from the years of burnt incense. I thought to myself " where is God's people in this?". Then i knew. There i was, standing, in this little shed with a crowd of medical staff. What was i suppose to do? A friend said in passing that even the dogs around the shed looked cleaner than the man. Why? How could things like this happen and no one takes action? How many more are out there in worse conditions than this? i was stunned, taken aback at the revelation that lay before me. I needed to do something, but what? I had an idea to put him up in an old folk's home, and then rally up some donations from people to support his stay. I'm wondering if that is possible...


Here i am, sitting in a comfortable chair, in my room , with a big study table, with electricity and water available because my family can afford it. How many of us appreciate what we have been blessed with? We grumble and whine to God about out lives, but when i look into the eyes of the people who are so poor, in health, spirit and life, i feel ashamed of myself. Ashamed for wanting so much yet giving back so little to God. I feel God's disappointment with what we're doing for Him in this world. And suddenly, i saw the point of my lecturer who said that our main aim should be to abolish poverty. So easy, yet so hard to accomplish.


That would be ideal, but to work towards that, many people would have to compromise and sacrifice a lot of things. Sure, God put many people in power, but most have chosen to overlook situations like this in today's world. Sad.... It's been a very long week for me. Yet every week seems to come to an end faster and faster. But the things that i learn every day, is really priceless. For CF this week, we had a speaker from South Africa and another from Phillipines. They were healthcare workers who had given up their careers to serve God. One thing that runs through my mind, was that which one of them shared. She said she visited this 1000 bed hospital in manila. And out of curiousity, asked the staff how many patients do they see every week. The number was quite shocking: SEVENTY THOUSAND a week, in out patient and wards. And this was a 1000 bed hospital. Have we ever heard of a church which attends to 70 000 people a week?Why?


Cause God is so small and insignificant in our lives. He is only important when we need something and when things go haywire in our lives. Crude but hard facts of life. Funny isn't it? That's how much we can do in our fields. Medicine is very controversial, complicated and everything else jumbled up in between. Yet it has so much potential! Imagine if we could have a Christian hospital in malaysia itself.. where we could treat the patients, and pray for them :) i just hope it doesn't end up being commercialized in the end, cause i heard that most hospitals end up like that..who knows what might happen in the years to come? ;)


In the mean time, I'm just dragging myself through the days. I think I have somewhat come to a stage where I am feeling so numb, and dissociated from life and work. Know it happens to most people, but I'm dealing with it slowly with God's grace. For the first time, I don't know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Maybe it's some sort of life crisis that i'll have to get through :) pulling myself together now to get things done as it should be.. Through all this, i still feel God waiting for me, patiently with His arms open. I just haven't started running back in His direction yet :p I sure hope i'll be able to do so soon.. Have a blessed week! :)