Stretchhhhh...!!!!

Met up with shien today in 1utama, a shopping complex in KL, to try out some gym thing. It was a first time for me, and i was a little awed standing in the middle of so many healthy-conscious people, and in the midst of all the fitness machines! I thought the gym in our national sports complex was big, but this was loud and music and wah, lotsa good looking people here and there :P so my dad was right when he said that this is the place where beautiful people meet and work out.. however, i think not, cause everyone is beautiful lah...

after wandering around aimlessly for about 45mins, i was persuaded by shien to try out Yoga.. i think it was really erm.. a unique experience if i may say so.. for one thing, i've never stretched so much in my life before, and man, there was this one position where the instructor asked us to grab our ankles and arch our backs.. it sounds AND was painful for me, and i couldn't help giggling cause i thought the position kinda reminded me of the delivery position that i've been seeing for the last 5 weeks in obstetrics *yes, that is HOW much i miss obs!* and i relayed my thoughts to shien who was beside me and she couldn't stop laughing for some time.. i salute felix for trying power yoga.. my arms just can't stand it! and i understand now why he must look like some dead cockroach :P cause i probably looked just like that too! :)

i had mixed thoughts about yoga because i think i read somewhere that it's not really good for christians because it involves meditation and stuff.. so that occupied my thoughts a bit. But at the end of everything, i decided that it's not worth my pain anyway, and well, instead of feeling fresh and good, i was exhausted, tired and had a little headache crawling up my neck because of the insufficient supply of oxygen to my brains during all the stretching :) if i had to go for a few more classes, i think it wouldn't have killed me, but then, the distance between the place and my house is just not worth it.. however, my dad pointed out that we do have a gym near our place, in midvalley.. maybe i'll try that out when i'm free-er :P if that ever happens..

while i was looking around, i thought that IF i ever wanted to have a life of work out and all, i've chosen the wrong career pathway.. being a doctor means there is a compromise in the time you have for yourself, and for family.. i sometimes wonder how i'm going to have a family life with my work pressing on me.. if i wanted to work out in the gym and have a great body and all that, i can't be working in the hospital! anyway, working in a hospital really slims people down.. i still wonder how some doctors can be so horizontally challenged when there's so much standing and walking to do! the mysteries of life ;)

i've been wondering about the meaning of Easter.. i know that Easter is actually a pagan kind of celebration apparently, and that it means something else.. and yet churches are all celebrating it.. hmmm... i'm a little confused..make that very confused.. and just this morning, i read that they discovered that there is a gospel of Judas that says that Judas was actually the only one who understood Jesus and that Jesus was a soul trapped in His body, and Judas was only helping Jesus to be released and some thing like that.. i was appalled and sickened by this.. how satan is contorting the truth! i thought about what Jesus means to me.. and i KNOW that He is everything and even if the world falls apart, i know i want to believe in Him.. so what if everything is wrong, and the bible is false? i want to die believing in God and the salvation i have in Jesus, even if i end up in hell at the end of time..

no matter how hard satan tries to change the truth and twist it, my heart knows it's Lord and Master :) the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the universe and the galaxies.. it's really sad.. there's the book on da vinci code by *forgot what's his name* and the movie that is coming out.. sigh.., apparently, the story is about this secret that some church sects have been trying to guard for centuries: that Jesus was actually married to Mary Magdalene.. sheesh.. when things like this come about, i wonder how people will continue to have faith in the bible and God.. how hard it is going to be to actually show people the light, the way and the truth! sigh..

i realized that i'm not equiped enough to defend my faith in God.. why? cause i have not been studying God's word.. and what i've studied or discussed, i've forgotten probably 98%.. it's a shame really.. how? what am i going to do about this whole thing? i keep wondering to myself.. is this what God means to me? guess i'm feeling a little lost here now.. been in a daze for sometime, and i've no idea why..

sometimes, when i look into the patient's eyes, i feel their helplessness because i'm about in the same position as they are .. it's like being in a well, and everytime i try to climb out, i only fall in deeper till someone pulls me out.. it's so stagnant inside, and it's quiet outside.. then, footsteps....

and light... light so bright, it blinds me.. yet, it's not hurting, but warm, gentle.. like sunshine on my face, when i'm at the seaside, enjoying the breeze, hearing the sea in my head.. and a strong hand, that reaches in, and pulls me out of the well of despair and helplessness.. a nice strong hug and peace, overwhelming, and comforting, floods over me.. i will ride not only this storm, but every single storms to come in my life with Jesus by my side.. how i long to soar on eagle's wings! the thought of flying really overwhelms me.. what and whom can i fear in life?

sigh.. all that stretching has somewhat affected my thinking as well :P i really have to learn to trust in God, and to just take things one step at a time.. i have so much on my mind now, that i'm beginning to think i need counselling instead of the patients! :P all in all, i think it's going to get harder.. already my first week of posting has gone by.. exams are coming!!! ugh.. the thought of it makes me so tired.. however, all glory belongs to my God.. so i will do my best, for God and for the patients i'm going to see.. amen! :)

" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. " Psalms 43: 5

" I waited patiently for the LORD, he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymm of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." Psalms 40:1-3