When eating becomes a pain

3 days ago, I had the misfortune to wake up in the middle of the night with a very bad ache running up behind my sternum. Thinking nothing of it, I reached over my bedside table and drank a gulp of water only to be jolted by a humongous pain at my stomach area..

I managed to sleep somehow cause it was not that bad still. The next day, I continued tagging in surgery, doing my work, going back at about 11p.m, had dinner, and slept.

That night, I woke up with the same pain, only this time, it did not go away despite me drinking water ( aggravated it in fact..) and me eating a bit of choclate.. The pain was so bad, I felt like driving to the Accident and Emergency department that very instant, and just beg them to admit me to the wards.

I managed to sleep a bit, but not until after I dragged myself across to the other room, and took another 2 pillows over. So I slept on 3 pillows that night. Probably as bad as any patient having some respiratory difficulties, only that it relieved me to be able to sleep sitting up because the reflux wouldn't be able to reach my throat.

At 6a.m, unable to bear it any longer, I went to A&E with my grandfather, got an MC and medication, despite the doctor suggesting I be admitted. Rested for two days, went back to work, and got shooed back from work today because my head of department (HOD) said I don't LOOK well, despite me telling him I FEEL well. He also said he didn't want me to be looking at patients until I LOOK well. Because of my awestruck mode, I continued following rounds, until he asked threateningly, if I understood English.. That was enough to have me running out of the ward without being told again after thanking him..

I'm still on soft diet at the moment, simply because eating is a painful ordeal. Swallowing is easy, but when it reaches the stomach, the pain is like an explosion each time. I am suspecting that there is some raw inflammation somewhere at the esophagus or stomach lining.. or maybe an ulcer, in the very worst case scenario.

Whatever it is, I politely declined the offer for an endoscopy by my medical officer and specialist. However, I decided tonight that if by next week, my condition does not improve, I am going to allow myself to be subjected to a scope, even though I hate the idea of having to swallow that thing down my throat and feeling the urge to vomit all the time.

At the moment, my diet consists of taking soya bean milk 3 hourly, soup, plain porridge, my medications, and fighting the urge to pop pain killers into my body. What an agony!

After this ordeal, I promise myself I will love myself more. When it comes to food, I will not delay :( I have learned a painful lesson from this, and my stomach has humbled me to an extent. I am hungry, but it's awful not to be able to eat, almost torturous!

I gulped down my soup, practically for dinner, cause I couldn't care less for the pain anymore. And I paid the price because I doubled over in pain after that :D

How am I going to LOOK well? :( What a bad beginning to this surgical posting.. ugh..

But on the bright side, I am thankful because I will be done with my medical AND surgical posting, hopefully in February next year, if my HOD doesn't extend me for some stupid thing that I am going to do in the next 4 months. Things should be better after this, until I reach paeds that is..

I hope I don't get worse from here on.. Thank you for all your encouragement and prayers.. Just hope I get well soon so I can do my job.. God bless always..